Door Inside You - Online Course

(I apologize for probably using wrong psychological terms in this post, but please try to bear it or send me a mail to correct me!)

Relational trauma is a still little recognized but common life experience that captures the mind and emotional life. You may not have experienced anything shockingly dramatic or traumatizing in itself, but the past still holds you in it’s grip.  You don't seem to really get a grip on your own life, even though you may be quite successful in itself.

Or you may have a very confusing, traumatizing or violent background that you already know and are aware of, and you may have worked persistently with yourself and your past. But you can't seem to move forward on your healing journey. Some important insight seems to be missing.

In relational trauma, the care and security needed for a person's emotional and personal development has been lacking from the earliest stages. Interaction with primary caretakers has been broken. Emotional mirroring and emotional security have been insufficient for a person to have a sufficiently considerate and safe environment to develop into an emotionally intact person and form an clear sense of authentic self.

Because traumatization, the underdevelopment of a person's fundamental self-concept and emotional life mechanisms, happens little by little in "your own normal growth environment", it can be really difficult to understand how on earth it could have somehow "wounded" or "traumatized".

Relational trauma means that the traumatization is based on a deep rejection experience between the baby and its mother/primary caregiver that occurred very early, during the first year of life. And these emotional rejections, i.e. on the emotional level and the physical level, occur repeatedly. The parent is unable to meet the child’s needs on emotional level and on safety – often due to their own traumatization or emotional challenges.

Often that insecurity of the early stage, is followed by an childhood in environment without truly attentive adults who see you and your needs. The emotional coldness of the growth environment and the imbalance of the caregivers is very clear for others.  For others, relational traumatization can occur in a pleasant atmosphere and even seemingly stable environment.

All the same – in your growth environment, your attention and resources have gone to controlling the environment and surviving in it instead of developing as a small person.

Relationally traumatized people are often driven by an unconscious experience of worthlessness, and as a result, by a continuous cycle of shame and guilt, which the bearer may not even be aware of. They only wonder about their constant distress and the repated cycle of life experiences, which reinforce this experience of worthlessness.

And like all traumatized people – relationally traumatized people are also marked by a deep sense of loneliness, and many have been very alone with everything they have experienced their entire lives.

I believe that many people suffer from very similar challenges that relational trauma causes, even if there was no very early traumatization, or you cannot dig up evidence of it from the past. Trust your own feelings and experiences, even if you are very alone with them.

At the heart of relational trauma is that one does not develope a real sense of authentic self. Without attentive and healthy emotional mirroring, no one learns to understand themselves. A person does not develop a normal and healthy connection to their own emotions and their true self. Instead, you can become a master at mirroring others and their emotions - so that you could survive.

Because the basis of this traumatization is at a very early stage of our development - at a time when the baby does not yet have spoken language or the concepts necessary for thinking - this form of traumatization often leaves us very confused about our own self and our own real feelings and needs. We learn to act so early for our environment, that we can’t catch up with what we really need anymore.

Support on your own healing journey and your struggles with relational trauma

I struggled with my relational trauma for a frustratingly long time, over 30 years – before I heard the full term and what it means. This understanding, together with a few perspectives I had learned a little earlier and self-care techniques that I supported my therapy with, quickly changed the direction of my healing path. The work I had been doing for a long time condensed into a completely new position in a year, when I finally analyzed and understood my experiences and challenges from the right perspective.

I wanted to share what I had learned and compile the perspectives I had discovered into an online course, if it would help you progress on your own healing journey. There is also a door inside you towards your true self.

I will help you to untangle what relational trauma is, how it is formed, how it affects your life and why it often makes your own healing journey very slow. The course offers perspectives and self-care tools that can clarify and support your own healing journey and its challenges.

I’m not a therapist and this course doesn’t offer therapy. Wise versa – I encourage you to continue on your healing path with new understanding. The course gives you tools to recognize relational trauma and perspectives and self healing techinques to support your self healing work.

The course is awailaible in finnish HERE.

If you are interested of a course version in english – please let know and drop an email to info@unalome.fi. I’m thinking about this in the near future.  Thank you!